he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
