actually, I'm a sock model
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
