I need help removing her.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
