Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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