Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
