hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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