If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
