We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
