M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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