I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
