As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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