Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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