i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My balls are so social today.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He better not be in your backpack
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
