I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
