I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Just puked most of my soul out..
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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