If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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