Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
