I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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