I just pynch a tree in the face
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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