we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Drunk is not a location!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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