4 words: hood of his car
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
