even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
