my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
