You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
