You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
