Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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