Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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