I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
