He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
