Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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