Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
