If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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