I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Never joke about your clitoris.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
