Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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