I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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