A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
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