3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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