you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
