But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
