Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
