Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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