i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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