Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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