Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
