She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
