apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
