apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
