I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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