my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
