i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
