Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
