remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
