then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
