Umm I'm too high to move.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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