why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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