Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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