omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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