Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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