I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
