We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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