Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
