He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
