Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
