Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
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Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
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Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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