I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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