i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
