Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
she told me i tasted like america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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