it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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