I wish I only lived at night.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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