Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
