i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
