I love black thongs
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
