The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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