So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
