My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
