Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
