I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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