So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
