when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
