walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
