but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
