yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My cat gives me a boner
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
