I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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