I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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