Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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